July 10, 2012
     This was the first day of the 4th week. All went well at treatment. Emma and her sister were there and we got to talk a little bit. Emma went to the restroom and I took this opportunity to ask her sister what had happened to Emma’s children all she said was, “I can’t talk about it.” It must have been something really terrible. I was pretty tired before I even left the hospital so I came home, ate a bowl of ice cream (a big bowl with chocolate sauce and cherries) because it is about the only food I still enjoy eating. I don’t taste it but the cold feels very good to me. After the ice cream I took a nap and felt better when I woke up. I still don’t feel like doing  anything but it is nice to feel better.
     On the way home from RT today there was a song on the Christian radio station that sounded like it could have come from my mind. MercyMe sings it and the words are amazingly  beautiful and meaningful. I’ll put them here for you to be blessed. The title is “Jesus, Bring the Rain.”

I can count a million times people asking me how I

can praise You with all that I’ve gone through.

The question just amazes me, can circumstances possibly

change who I forever am in You?

Maybe since my life was changed long before these rainy days

it’s never really ever crossed my mind.

To turn my back on You, oh Lord, my only shelter from the storm

but instead I draw closer through these times.

So I pray,

Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free.

Bring me anything that brings You glory

and I know there’ll be days when this life brings me pain.

But if that’s what it takes to praise You Jesus, bring the rain.

 

I am Yours regardless of the dark clouds that may loom above.

Because You are much greater than my pain.

You who made a way for me, by suffering Your destiny.

So tell me what’s a little rain.

So I pray,

 

Holy, holy, holy,

Is the Lord God Almighty.

     Love to all,
     Mary Margaret

The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!
Don’t forget to E-mail me . . .

angel8mmj@gmail.com

July 8, 2012
     Sunday, Sunday, beautiful Sunday! Another great service this morning. After the service I spoke with a woman that was undergoing chemo for a brain tumor. This is the second time since 2008 that she has undergone chemo. She had chemo and radiation  at the same time. She is trusting the Lord for her healing and is very cheerful. He husband though is mad at God and asked for us to pray for him. Her name is Pam and is very pretty, a registered nurse and loves the Lord.
     We went to Panera’s for me to get soup and a smoothie, which I couldn’t taste but it is calories and nutrition which the doctors want me to get plenty of. It is hard to eat food that has no taste. I eat because I have to not for the taste.
     We had an exciting Bible Study tonight. As usual it is the highlight of my week. We have discussions and teachings. We laugh a lot. Everyone loves the Lord and is pretty knowledgeable about the Bible so we have some deep discussions. Billy is an excellent teacher and controller of discussions. I wish you could join us for a Sunday.
     Early this morning Dorean called me with a Bible verse that she said was good for me. Actually, I used this verse the first time I had cancer and have not referred to it this time. I needed to be reminded of it. Paul had called on the Lord to make the thorn in his flesh leave him. Here is God’s answer to Paul in II Corinthians 12:9, 10.

But he said to me,

 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses,

so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

For the sake of Christ then, I am content with

weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.

For when I am weak, then I am strong.

     I am truly experiencing this, because I feel strong though my body is weak. It is a surreal experience because it is not normal to feel this way. Trusting in the Lord is truly a strengthening of mind body and soul.
     Tomorrow I begin again with treatments, bring it on. We are ready, by we I mean the Lord in me.
     Have a great day tomorrow.
     Remember God is good, God is good all the time.   
     Mary Margaret

     The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!
Don’t forget to E-mail me . . .

angel8mmj@gmail.com

July 5, 2012
     14 down 16 to go. If they hadn’t taken off for the 4th I would be half way through. But now I will have to wait until Monday to be half way through.
     The side effects escalate with each treatment. The left side of my face is very red. I am putting everything on it that I can. I want to get rid of this redness before Monday which will make it much worse if I can’t get it cleared up. I keep putting drops in my eye several times a day. I can’t tell that it is doing much for the watering or itching. The other side of my nose has starting bleeding too. I reached behind my left ear to scratch something and came back with a handful of hair. Dr. Manon said I would lose my hair back there and it has started. It may not show much if I can pull the hair above it over the spot, providing I don’t lose a whole lot more.
     I came home after treatment today and was so tired I just put on my gown and went to bed. After a nice long nap I felt a little better.  I haven’t changed out of my gown and will be ready for bed when it gets a little later. Yesterday I took two naps. It is strange to be so tired that I don’t want to even bend over and pick up something that shouldn’t be on the floor or put a dish in the dishwasher. It is easier to just walk away from it and leave it alone. I don’t like to leave a lot of things for Billy to have to do when he comes home, but he does fill the dishwasher for me.
     Speaking of Billy, he fell today while getting up on the model of Jerusalem. He scratched his face and poked a hole in his hand. After all the years of stepping up into it this is the first time he has fallen. He said he got his feet tangled up.
     The picture was taken Wednesday while everyone was at the house for the day. That is McKenzie and Annie in my lap. Dorean took the  picture, it turned out pretty good. I usually take terrible pictured, but this one isn’t too bad. I’ll try to get pictures of the rest of the family to show you.
     I am looking forward to the week end and not having to drive over to MD Anderson for treatment. Such good things usually happen over the week ends.
     It is time to take this tired body to bed after doing all the fluoride and other treatments to my mouth. I’ll talk with you later.
     Have a lovely week end.
     Mary Margaret

     The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!
Don’t forget to E-mail me . . .

angel8mmj@gmail.com

July 4, 2012
    No treatment today! I will have to go in on Monday after my 6th week. I feel like I am adding time instead of making up time.
     It was a wonderful day! Dorean, Tim, Amanda McKenzie, Deanna, Matt, Rebekah and Rachel were here. They grilled and made ice cream and we played games. What fun we had! I ate soup that Matt made for me. It was a healthy soup, but my taste is not working now so I can’t judge the taste of it.  I ate some of the ice cream, our family favorite Mountain Dew, but didn’t taste it. The coldness felt good in my mouth though.
     The fireworks have already started and our poor little Annie is  shaking and staying right on top of us. She has never tolerated loud noises very well. I guess all doggies are like that. She is so sweet, I hate to see her all worked up. When we go to bed in awhile she will crawl up under the covers and get next to Billy and stay for the night.
     My post yesterday was a little different than most of them. I just wanted to post it with no comments. I felt it spoke for its self. Sometimes I have to talk myself out of pity parties and there is nothing like looking at Jesus on the cross to get over myself. There is nothing to compare to what He did for me that doesn’t pale in comparison.
     Tomorrow I  will start treatment again and I am glad to put another one behind me. I haven’t been tired today like I usually am on the days I have RT. I got my prescription filled for a pain medication that is liquid. It says to take it every 3 hours, but I don’t like to take pain medications often or for very long. I take it before I got to bed and can get to sleep easier than without it. My mouth is very sore and painful so I take the numbing medication before I eat anything. I can swallow so much easier and without pain. I still have to eat soft things but at least it doesn’t hurt to eat them.
     It has been a great day which I fully enjoyed. We had fun playing a game called Headband. The game has bands that you put around your head and cards that you place in a slot on the band. You don’t know what is on the card. It is something like an animal, food or a thing and you ask questions to see if you can guess what is on the card in one minute. If you guess you get another card until you use up the time. Even McKenzie played it and just couldn’t control herself from giving hints to everyone.
     I hope you had a fun 4th and spent some time with your families.
     So good day, my friends. God bless you all.
     Mary Margaret

The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!
Don’t forget to E-mail me . . .

angel8mmj@gmail.com

July 3, 2012

Dear Jesus,  

I was just thinking about myself and the  pain I am going through right now.

How every morning I awake to a new problem in my body.

There may be a new sore in my mouth that hurts,

or my eye is stuck shut with crust and waters at both corners.

Perhaps I have a nose bleed during the day or

I am hungry but nothing has taste and it hurts too much

to swallow anything.

Yes, I was thinking all of this when it came to me . . .

Is my pain anything compared to the pain You suffered at Calvary?

Is my problem even to be considered compared to dying on a cross?

Are the sores in my mouth anything to mention when You were

beaten with so many stripes over and over until Your back was shredded?

Your eyes, I think of Your eyes, full of love with the blood and sweat pouring into

them, was there no one to wipe them away?

Your blood, Your precious blood, was flowing from Your body,

so what is a little nose bleed?

Your hunger, Your great hunger, was that the chosen ones Your Father had

given You would spend eternity with You.

Your thirst, the only human trait You displayed on the cross,

was offered only vinegar.

Your pain, Your indescribable pain, was nothing compared to the

pain in Your heart.

Separation, though only for a short time,

separation from Your Father, with whom You had spent all of

eternity past was the worst pain of all.

You had endured the separation from the glorious heaven that You shared with

Your Father and all the angels.

Why were You suffering all of this?

So I could complain about my aches and pains while going

through a little trial on this earth?

No, no and again, no.

It was so I could turn to You

at this time in my life, this time that You are using these

things to bring me closer to You.

To make me understand and appreciate what You did

for me, undeserving me, on that cross on that day so long ago.

As tears run down my cheeks I realize they are tears of shame.

Shame for my selfishness, for my self pity.

Shame for not being thankful for what You have done and continue to do for me.

Who am I to think I don’t deserve what I am going through?

The tears bring me to repentance and thanks.

Thanks that You think me worthy to experience my small suffering in order to

know you better and be closer to You.

It is an honor to carry these little problems in my body and not complain

because of what You carried on Calvary for me.

Thank you Jesus.

Your loving and thankful child,

Mary Margaret

July 2, 2012
     11 down, 19 to go.
     They are not going to be there Wednesday, so that is going to mess up my configuration  because I will have to make it up on a Monday after my 6th week.
     Well, it was back to the RT this morning. Billy went with me and got to go in the room and see them get me ready for the treatment. I went from there for my Monday appointment with Dr. Manon. Whenever he comes into the room he always says, “How is my favorite patient  today?” I figure he says that to all the ladies. He is so pleasant, smiling all the time. He is going to be on paternity leave starting the 9th which is the day his baby boy is due. It is nice that he gets to have time off to be with his wife during that time.
     The watery eye and bleeding nose is to be expected, as are the sores in the mouth and sore throat. He gave me a prescription which will numb my mouth for awhile so I can at least eat without pain. I used it for dinner when Dorean’s family brought food over, I ate my soup, and we enjoyed their company.
     The new liquid worked and I was able to eat a whole bowl of soup without pain. I couldn’t taste it but at least I will get the nourishment from it. I made about a quart of my new Organic Whole Milk and sugar free Nestle’s Chocolate. I sipped on it, through the glass straw all afternoon and managed to finish the whole thing with my soup. Having a glass straw feels very elegant. Oprah always had water for her guests with glass straws in it. Several commented on how nice that was. So I feel like a big shot with my glass straw.
     Tomorrow Tim wants to go with me and see the set up. He had radiation about 24 years ago and wants to see how it has changed. He is such a good so-in-law. He works at Disney at Wide World of Sports and doesn’t go in till around 2:00 so he has mornings off. I am looking forward to going with him to my treatment.
      Here is a beautiful and comforting verse for me at this time in my life. It was on a card sent to me by my dear friend, Ann.

Psalm :18:2

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and

my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom

I take refuge. He is my shield and the

horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

I find my comfort in knowing that God is

my Fortress,

Surrounding me with His care.

He is my deliverer,

giving me victory over life’s troubles.

He is my Shield,

always loving and protecting me..

He is a Stronghold that will never fail.

     God bless you all.
     Love to all,
     Mary Margaret

The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!
Don’t forget to E-mail me . . .

angel8mmj@gmail.com

July 1, 2012

     It was another beautiful and blessed Sunday. The service was almost full and they were from many places in the US and even Kenya, Africa. The visitors are so sweet to come by and let me know they will pray for me. That means very much to me because I know that  their praying is not only good for me but good for them also. Anytime we come before the throne for what ever reason is a good thing.
     I have a new motto for eating now. “If I have to chew it, I can’t swallow it.” My mouth and throat is getting very sore. I guess it will get much worse over the next four weeks. I have found that Panera’s has great creamed soups and Smoothies that I can drink. It makes for a very nice meal. I am not watching out for my diabetes because the dietician said not to worry about it but to just be cautious about sugar. I am eating so much that I’m afraid I’ll gain weight. We will know tomorrow because I get weighed before seeing Dr. Manon.
     I just got a call from one of our favorite people in the world. Bro. Sam Shepperson. Those of you that live in El Dorado certainly know him, he is a legend and has been our pastor for at least 60 years. He and Miss Dot, his wife are beautiful people and amazing Christians. We love them and are thankful to have them in our lives.
     At this time I am finishing up my blog while doing my fluoride treatment for 10 minutes. Then I will be ready for bed, even though I had a nice long 2 hour nap this afternoon. I sleep very well now, I don’t know what to attribute that to unless it is how tired I get.
     Anyway, I am signing off for today. I will let you know how it goes tomorrow at RT.
     Love to all,
     Mary Margaret

The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!
Don’t forget to E-mail me . . .

angel8mmj@gmail.com