Friday, August 17, 2012

August 17, 2012
Last night I went to the Bible Study at THLE and gave my testamony. The following is a copy of what I said to the folks in attendance. It was wonderful to give praises to God for all He has done on my behalf over the past 10 months. I was nervous but The Spirit got me through it.
     First I want to thank all of you that have prayed for me and sent cards. You can’t know what they meant until you have been in a place like mine. I know Billy kept you up to date with my progress as it went along.
     I have been on an awesome journey since September 19, 2011. That was the first time I was told I had a Merkel Cell Carcinoma. It was in my left cheek and was a small 1.1 cm tumor. I began documented this journey on a blog which was more for my benefit than anyone else's. In   looking back over it I can see how each day God was bringing me closer to Him and increasing my faith.
     I would like to read some of the Bible verses that God gave me, through the Holy Spirit, as food for my Spirit to grow on. The first one was a tremendous help to me on many occasions.
“And after you have suffered a little while,
the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ,
will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”
I Peter 5:10
     He gave me that one early on because He knew how much I would need it.
A little later He added this one to my heart.
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,
for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
And let steadfastness have its full effect,
that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
James 1:2-4
     I needed this one because my faith, at times, felt weak and I was needing a reminder that He was working on my steadfastness to make me complete. And I will be perfect and complete, someday when I see him face to face.
     By the 30th of September I was fully experiencing the grace and peace of God. This was a small fulfillment of I Peter 5:10, after suffering a little while, the God of grace will restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish me. He had already begun that. He had given me faith enough to write this as a prayer.
“Lord, I do not want to lose this joy and peace you have given me.
Do I need tribulation to keep it? So be it, Lord.
This joy is worth it. The peace, the feeling of moving along,
being carried by the very hand of God. I remember, Lord, on September 12
(just 1 week before I found out I had cancer)
I prayed to know You better and look what You sent me to answer that prayer.
What will You send to answer this prayer?”
   I had my first surgery on the 10th of October. After removing the tissue around where the     tumor had been and all the lymph nodes in front of my ear, the doctors felt sure that they had gotten all the cancer and that I was cancer free. We were all rejoicing at this wonderful news.
     Little did we know that God was going to take me up on my prayer of September 30, when I asked Him did I need tribulation to feel His presence as I had been doing? The last words in that prayer were “What will You send to answer this prayer today?”
     In less than 6 months I would have another diagnosis of Merkel Cell Carcinoma. On April 9th, I had a biopsy which confirmed it. My wonderful God woke me up with a little song on my mind the morning of the biopsy, one that I don’t think I had even thought of for many, many years, it goes like this. If you know it, please sing along with me because I am not a singer.
He’s still working on me,
To make me what I ought to be.
It only took a week, to make the Moon and Stars,
The Earth and the Sun and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving, and patient He must be,
‘Cause He’s still working on me.
     There are verses to go with it also, but for time and listening sake I won’t try to sing them.
     My second awesome journey with cancer had begun and I must confess I was a little disappointed that we had not experienced a miracle the first time, but faithful as always, God gave me Psalm 9:1-2, 9-10 as my comfort.
“I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart;
I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.
I will be glad and exult in you;
I will sing praises to your name, O Most High.
The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed,
a strong hold in times of trouble.
And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you,
O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.”
The last words stood out to me and I prayed to God,
“It is alright, God that we didn’t get a miracle the first time.
I know you have something for me this time and I rejoice in
whatever it is.”
     This is when something unusual happened within me. The thought came to me like  little voice in my heart, “I have a bigger miracle for you.”
     My surgery was on April 23rd where they removed a 1.5 cm tumor and 21 lymph nodes on the left side of my neck. I began radiation on June 18th and these are the verses that got me through that experience.
“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away,
our inner self is being renewed day by day.
For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight
of glory beyond all comparison,
as we look not to the things that are seen
but to the things that are not seen
for the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”
II Corinthians 4:16-18
     I won’t tell you all the side effects that radiation gave me, and sometimes it became a little
hard to keep strong in the faith, but My Lord came through with another wonderful verse to strengthen me.
I love you, Lord, my strength.
The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock in whom I take refuge. He is my shield
and the horn of my salvation, my strong hold.
I find my comfort in know that God is my Fortress,
Surrounding me with His care.
He is my deliverer,
giving me victory over life’s troubles.
He is my Shield,
Always protecting me..
He is a Stronghold that will never fail.
Psalm 18:1, 2
     I can’t help but tell you of one experience I had while in Tomotherapy Radiation chamber. It was a Friday, because Friday was “Praise and Thanksgiving Day” for my prayers while in the chamber. In my prayer I said,
Dear Lord, thank you that before the world was formed you knew I would be in this very place on this very day having this very experience and I praise you for that.”
As I finished that prayer I felt a beautiful feeling and tears came to my eyes, and I knew what it was and I said,
You are in here with me, aren’t you Jesus?”
For in truth, He was in there with me, as He is with me all the time.
     I will close with part of my blog from July 23rd, when I had 4 more treatments left.
“I realized while in one of my pensive moods that I felt like I have been climbing a jagged rocky mountain for the past 5 1/2 weeks. It started off with a very gradual climb but the farther along I went on the journey the steeper the grade became. Not only was it steeper but I felt like the load I carried was getting heavier each day. Then I realized, that from the beginning I was not on this journey alone. I was not making the climb with my own strength and the load I thought I was carrying was the doubt and fears of my own  making. When I quit thinking of my own pain and became silent for a moment, the Lord spoke to me in His quiet, loving voice.”
     At this point I read from the post of July 23rd. I don't have it except on hard copy, fo if you want to see it go back to the blog of July 23rd.
     This is long enough so I will end.
     God bless you all.
Mary Margaret
 
The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!
Don’t forget to E-mail me . . .













Friday, August 10, 2012

August 10, 2012
     HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! Yes it is my birthday. I am now a whole year older than I was yesterday.
     Actually, yesterday was a very nice day. I felt better than I have for many weeks. I went shopping to spend money to get me an outfit from Billy for my birthday. He would rather I pick out something myself than to go shopping himself. That is easier on both  of us. I got a killer jacket and shell. My favorite place to shop is Chico’s because I get lots of coupons from them and a nice big discount for my birthday. I had been in there last week and admired one of the sales ladies watches. Today I asked her where she got it, and she said there at Chicos but it was last year. She said, “Let me give you this one.” “Oh no, I can’t let you do that.” I said. She insisted and began taking it off. So I said I would accept it as a birthday present from her. Today I baked her a cake and took it to her. She was thrilled and I am so glad I was able to do that.
     Today I was not feeling as strong as I did yesterday. But that was okay. I stayed home to take calls from my friends and family wishing me a happy birthday. It was a good day! Dorean, Amanda, McKenzie, Colton and Donna came over. Matt, Deanna and the girls are  taking me out to lunch tomorrow. That is my second lunch from the Butler family. I am making out!
     The wound on my neck is getting smaller every day. I can’t believe how quickly it is healing. I can go out now without covering it. My eye still waters all day, but that will get   better with time. I am anxious to see when my taste will come back. Whatever God has planned for me will be fine.
     I truly thank God for giving me another birthday with my family. I will be selfish and pray that I may have another one next year. After the year I have had I realize that is a great big prayer, but I have a great big God. Nothing is impossible with Him.
     What a great day! Thank you dear, Lord!
     Good evening, my friends. God bless you all.
     Mary Margaret
The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!
Don’t forget to E-mail me . . .


Tuesday, August 7, 2012

August 7, 2012
     I am going to try to bring you up to date since I last entered my blog. My memory is so bad that I can hardly remember what I did yesterday much less several days ago. I remember that on Friday I went to my  acupuncturist and felt very relaxed when I left his office. Actually, that is all I can remember about Friday.  Isn’t that sad? That’s my life now so I just accept it.
     Saturday we didn’t have a Bible Study because Dorean was on a ladies retreat for the weekend. I missed the study and the fellowship. I did get a little extra rest which I needed. I am still very tired and can’t do much at all before I need to rest. It will be so nice to feel better and get some things done around the house. Billy and I went to spend a little time with Colton. I need Colton time every once and awhile or I go through withdrawal.
     Sunday was another great day. Timothy and Joshua from Japan are visiting Daniel again and it was good to see them again. We got to know Timothy first when we visited Japan with Donna and Daniel a couple of years ago. We all went to lunch together then we came home for our Sunday nap. For Bible Study that night Billy asked Timothy to tell us about the ministry in Japan. It was very interesting. There is much going on in Japan and other Asian countries that they carry the Gospel to. The Japanese people are mostly Shinto and have been for hundreds of years. It is a hard to turn them from the religion of their ancestors. Anyway, after Bible Study we went to Twisty Treat with Donna, Daniel and Timothy.
     Monday was just like any other day. Boring! I did manage to get a load of laundry done. I consider that a major accomplishment. We went to Dorean’s for a Colton fix. He is growing so fast and is getting more    beautiful every time I see him. He is a very good baby and fortunate to have a family around him that loves him so much. This was the high point of my day.
     Tuesday, today’ again not much going on. I did manage to take some of my good clothes to the tailor close by to get them taken in. she is very good and can do some amazing things.
     I haven’t mentioned anything about the place on my neck that is open and raw. It has been getting worse for the last few days, but now is getting a little bit better today. I have figured out how to cover it so I can go out in public and not gross anyone out. Not many things have changed with my body. My left eye still waters even worse than it did while I was getting radiation. Most of my eyelashes are gone on that eye. It looks rather strange but I think that they will grow back, at least I hope so. My nose is still full and will only come out if I use the Nettie Pot. The phlegm in my throat doesn’t seem to be as bad. I can swallow pills without choking on them now.
     Billy and I went to Chili’s to get a bite for dinner. To let you know how much I eat at a meal I’ll tell you what I had tonight. I ordered Chicken Strips with corn on the cob and fries. I ate 1 1/2l of the Chicken Strips, 3 fries and about half the corn. I was able to cut the corn off the cob so it was easier to get into my mouth. By the time I had eaten the little bit I was not hungry enough to eat anymore. When you can’t taste food it is not longer a nice experience to partake in. Billy is getting some good lunches from my leftovers.
     I would like to mention a dear friend of ours who needs prayer. Her name is Marta Jones. Her family is not a relation of ours, but we have known them for many, many years. She and her husband were missionaries for many years, but have lived in Arkansas, where we had known them, for several years. She had a very aggressive form of brain cancer and had surgery but has been having convulsions since then. Their children and our girls were friends growing up. Please pray for Marta as you remember to.
     I am finally caught up and I need to get to bed. I am watching an old sermon that Billy Graham gave in Glasgow Scotland in 1991. It is on the cross and is considered to be one of his best sermons. He will not be with us very much longer. He is a man that God has used mightily and heaven will be full of his converts. I know many people find reasons not to like him, but I think anyone that has not brought more into the Kingdom than he has, has no right to say anything against him.
     Good night dear friends. Have a great day tomorrow
     God bless,
     Mary Margaret
The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!
Don’t forget to E-mail me . . .


Thursday, August 2, 2012

 August 2, 2012
     I have missed a couple of days due to nothing much happening around here. Tuesday was a slow day not doing much but getting my hair cut. WOW! what a thrilling day. I felt much like I did on Monday.
     Then came Wednesday. It was actually the worst day I’ve had in the last 6 weeks. I’ve been wrapping my neck at night to keep the cream medicine from getting on my pillow. When I took the bandages off my neck was very raw, red and bleeding. Blood was running down the bandage which was soaking it up. It was scary looking. I called Dr. Manon’s office and got a return call from Karen his very efficient nurse. She said the week after treatment my body will react like I am still getting radiation every day. What a great piece of news! No wonder I was feeling so bad.
     I called my go-to-gal, Dorean and said I needed some cheering up so she came by when she got off work and brought Colton with her. He always makes me feel good just to look at that beautiful peaceful face and get some neck kisses. You know, of course, that the best kisses on a baby are on the back of their necks. Most people don’t think of kissing there so it is the cleanest and sweetest spot. None of the sugar has been kissed off.
     Today is a better day than yesterday. I am taking the pain medicine more often than I use to. It really helps or I wouldn’t bother with it. My neck is no longer bleeding, but is still seeping. I clean it an put my Silver Sulfadiazine on it several times a day. The place on my neck is about 6” long by 2” high. The skin is pealing off daily. I took a picture of it, but it is too gross to show you. So I will quit talking about it.
     I actually had a little energy today and got a load of laundry done. I feel like a housewife again. Perhaps tomorrow will be an even better day. Thankfully, I have the Lord carrying me through this hard patch as He as been there through the good times too.
     It time for my nightly ritual or getting ready for bed. Billy will be home soon from Bible Study at The Holy Land Experience. Tomorrow my acupuncturist will be back and I am looking forward to him making me feel better. I have missed him for the past two weeks.  
     Much love to all,
    Mary Margaret
The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!
Don’t forget to E-mail me . . .