April 30, 2012

     It was a busy day today. Too busy. I got tired by walking out to the car. I think the drugs from the hospital have finally worn off.

     There were some things that just had to get done. I would come home and take a little nap for awhile then hit the jobs again. Finally, I made a Blackberry Wine Cake to take to Dr.Shellenberger tomorrow. Amanda is making her famous cookies for me to take also.  (For his going away party.)
     We are going to discuss the idea of radiation because I know so little about it. Dorean will be driving me.
     Here is another Psalm about God and prayer.

Psalm 66:16-20

Come and hear, all you who fear God, and I will tell what he has done for my soul.

I cried to him with my mouth, and high praise was on my tongue.

If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.

But truly God has listened; he has attended to the voice of my prayer.

Blessed be God, because he has not rejected my prayer or removed his steadfast love from me!

Have a great day tomorrow and a nice sleep tonight. I know I will!

Mary Margaret

The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!

Don’t forget to E-mail me. . .

angel8mmj@gmail.com 

April 29, 2012

     Last night I thought it was enough to put the prayer that God gave me. He had given me so many beautiful things to put in my blog last time I went through this and I felt like that hadn’t happened this time. I started praying that He would give me something that was inspired by Him. He answered my prayer by giving me a prayer for Him. It flowed so fast that my fingers could hardly keep up with my thoughts. I can tell for sure when what I have written has come from Him or if it me writing it. I love it when He gives me something beautiful to write.
     We had Bible study yesterday morning, it was great, as usual. After a bit of rest Dorean, Amanda, McKenzie and I went to a little shop for Amanda to get some maternity clothes. I just sat in a chair and watched her model. We went to get something to eat and I told them they were going to have to take me home, I was worn out. I can’t believe how little energy I have. After a little rest I sat down and wrote “A Prayer.”
     This morning I was pooped when I got through dressing for church. Service was beautiful today. Donna sang one of my favorite songs, “The End of the Beginning.” She knocked it out of the park!
     I was once again worn out so we picked up lunch at Boston Market and went home. Had a nice nap then we had Bible study. As always, it was very informative with great discussions and lots of fun too.
     My swelling is slowly going down. Still no pain. Some of the feeling is coming back because once in a while I get a stinging sensation in the deadened area. It is hard to put an earring in my left ear because the whole thing is numb.
    Enough of my rambling. I’ll get in bed early. That’s how life goes for me these days.
     Love to all of you. Thanks for reading my thoughts. By-the-way, I’m not proofing this, I’m too tired, so please overlook the errors. I’m sure there are plenty of them.
Mary Margaret

The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!

Don’t forget to E-mail me. . .

angel8mmj@gmail.com 

April 28, 2012

A Prayer

by Mary Margaret Jones

My Dear, Holy, Gracious and Loving Heavenly Father.

You are the Holy God of the entire Universe, Time and all Eternity.

You have predestined me to travel through two of my most difficult experiences

with you as my Guide.

You have been my Captain, my Chief, my Commander and my Counselor.

You are my Friend, my Glorious Lord, my Faithful Healer and my Mighty Victor.

Your Name is above every Name. Your Power is holding the whole universe and

every thing in it together.

Through these two journeys You have taught me just how small I am in comparison to Your creation, yet You love me and desire my love and praise.

You are Majestic and the heavens and all that is in them bow to Your command.

You are All Sufficient, All Powerful, All Mighty and All Love.

You give us honor and might. It is in Your power to make us great or to humble us.

You are my Sovereign, my King, my Hope and my Life.

Who am I that you should give me access to all these things that you possess?

Who am I that you chose me before the foundation of the earth to become your child?

Who am I that your Son should die the death of separation from you

to pay for my sins?

Who am I that your Holy Spirit makes utterances on my behalf to You?

I am nothing except by the precious blood of Jesus, Who will welcome me to my

glorious home that I was created for.

I am only what You mold me into. I am truly Your clay to do with as You desire.

I can only offer you my humble body, heart and soul as thanksgiving for Who You are and what you have done and will do for me.

Thank You God.

You are Beautiful to me.

The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!

Don’t forget to E-mail me. . .

angel8mmj@gmail.com 

April 27, 2012

     Well, we got another miracle today. At my appointment with Dr. Shellenberger today he said that all the lymph nodes that were removed were clear of any cancer cells except for the one that we knew was there. He removed 21 nodes. I don’t know how many I am suppose to have but I think that may be the majority of them on my left side.

     He was carrying the note I gave him before surgery in his scrubs pocket. He pulled it out to show me. What a guy!
     Now, we need to weigh the options about radiation or not. Since no cancer cells were found in the nodes it would not be necessary for radiation, but that was the case last time also. I have another appointment next Tuesday to get stitches removed and talk with Dr. S. about the radiation options. Thursday I will meet with the radiologist and talk with him to find out more. We are all leaning towards getting the radiation because of a chance that there could be a little evil cancer cell floating around looking for a place to land and cause havoc in my life. We’ll be praying about it too to be sure we make the right decision.
     I also got the drip tube removed today and there was nothing to it. I am much more comfortable with it out. It was always pulling every time I moved. There was actually more of the tube in me than was outside.
     My swelling is going down a little every day. It still have a long way to go before I look more normal. I have figured out a way to wear scarves until I get the stitches out. It won’t look nearly as bad after that.
     Whoever was available went out for a celebration dinner tonight. It was the first time I have actually been hungry since the surgery. It sure did taste good.
     My kids give me a hard time about me posting my blog with mistakes in them. I am not a good proof reader so please overlook the misspellings and incorrect use of words, like soar   instead of sore.
     We are all amazed at God’s goodness where these cancers are concerned. It just doesn’t   usually happen this way. He is so good and loving. How do people live in this world without knowing and following Him? I can not give Him enough thanks and praise for choosing me to be one of His children. That is why I can say . . .
The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!

Don’t forget to E-mail me. . .

angel8mmj@gmail.com 

April 26,2012

     I realized that I didn’t give you a copy of the little note I gave Dr. Shellenberger, but don’t   remember giving him. Here it is:    

Dear Dr. Shellenberger,                                                               April 23, 2012

     Well, here we are again. I think we have become a team—doctor and patient. Remember, that there is a third member of this little team, the Greatest Physician in all of eternity. He is the   Commander-and-Chief of our team and I am certain He will be guiding your hands today.
     Thank you for getting my surgery scheduled so you would be doing it and thank you for all the many things you have done in the short amount of time I have been privileged to have you as my physician. You are very kind and caring and that means a lot at a time like this. You will be missed, by many, I am sure.
     I thought you might be disappointed if you didn’t get a little note from me. I can’t let you down because you won’t let me down.
     God Bless You,
     Mary Margaret   

     I will be seeing him tomorrow afternoon and I hope he has the pathology report on the lymph nodes he sent them. That will be the determination on if I will have radiation or not.

     It has been a quiet day around here. Carol and Don Vincent (she is our song leader at church) dropped by for a while. They have been our dear friends for over 28 years. We enjoy their company and she is a great song leader because she always brings what God gives her for our music each Sunday.
     Deanna and Rebekah dropped by later. They are flying out to South Dakota tomorrow to surprise their good friend at a baby shower Saturday night. That should be a very nice surprise.
     I really haven’t had an appetite since the surgery, I just nibble on little things throughout the day. My throat is still soar when I swallow but this afternoon I was standing in front of the   refrigerator door and trying to think of something that sounded good. I saw some chicken broth and some rice that I had cooked before going to the hospital and that sounded pretty good so I warmed it up and it was actually enjoyable. I guess I need to focus on hot foods for my throat.
     I’m sure you found all that interesting, but my life right now is very calm and I am enjoying it very

     Billy teaches a Bible study every Thursday night at the Holy Land Experience and he won’t be home till after 9:15 so I have the evening by myself with Annie and Sassy. We will all probably just sit or lay around for the whole evening. That is about all they do anyway.

     It is time to see if I can sleep tonight. I think it is going to go better than it has the past few nights.
Good night
Mary Margaret
The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!

Don’t forget to E-mail me. . .

angel8mmj@gmail.com

     “My grace is sufficient for you,

for  my power is made perfect in weakness.

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses,

so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses,

insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.

For when I am weak, then I am strong.  II Corinthians 12:9-10

      I am physically weak now but my spirit is strong. He keeps His word—always.

     I will be working on this post off and on for most of the day today because I get tired easily.
     To bring you up on the surgery I will start with Monday morning. Billy and I got up at 4:00 am and went to the hospital. They took me right away into pre op and started prepping me, which took a lot of time. I had written a note for Dr. Shellenberger which I was keeping in my hand for when he came in to see me. They had already shot me with some “happy juice” and a little later Donna and Billy were in the cubicle with me and I started looking for my note and   couldn’t find it. We shook the bed clothes and Donna looked under my bed, I asked the nurse, Shannon, if she knew what happened to my note. She said I had given it to Dr. Shellenberger when he came to see me. We had about a 6 minute conversation and he left. I do not remember one second of that event. There were other events throughout the day that I don’t remember but family has told me about. It is a very strange feeling to lose blocks of time. That is what drugs will do for you. The surgery went well and took a little over 3 hours. He removed the cancer tumor and lots of lymph nodes. My incision is much longer than I thought it would be. It is 8 inches long and goes from behind my left ear across my neck just past  where my chin ends. I am very swollen and look quite gross. I also have a drip port coming from between my shoulder and my neck. I hope to get rid of it on Friday. It is not very becoming to have a little plastic container with blood hanging down the front of you.  I have to measure and keep a record 3 times a day of how much drainage I get. What fun!
     I have figured out that I can wear a scarf around my neck for church and perhaps it won’t gross every one out. It will look better when the stitches come out. I can’t miss church, it is one of the high points of my week. I need to see all the people that I love and feel their love for me. My girls say I don’t look so bad, but they are just being nice to Mom.
     I have no pain at all around the incision, the only pain I have felt was my throat. When they put the breathing tube down it must have scratched my throat. I also have a lot of phlegm in my throat and have to cough often to keep my lungs clear.
     I think I am going to sleep in my hammock chair tonight so the phlegm won’t gather in my throat while I am lying flat. It is also easier to get out of than the bed.
     Once again, the Lord has come through for  me. Things seem to be going well. We will know more when Dr.S. gets the pathology report on the lymph nodes. If they are clear, no    radiation. If they are not clear, radiation. It is all in God’s hands as it has been from the His will is what will bring Him the most glory and what is best for me. All things truly do work for the good to those called according to His purpose. The book of Romans says it like this:

“And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit,

because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,

 for those who are called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:27-29

Good night to all. Remember to say your prayers and kiss the ones you love.

Mary Margaret

The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!

Don’t forget to E-mail me. . .

angel8mmj@gmail.com 

    

Hello friends. Just a little note here. I got to come home today instead of tomorrow. I was doing very well and the doctor said I could leave. I sure am glad to be back home and to sleep in my bed tonight. I am very tired right now, had lots of company so will tell you all about my experience tomorrow. Tune in for all the gorey details. Things went very well.
Love to all,
Mary Margaret

The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!

This is Dorean, Mary Margaret's oldest daughter. I'm so sorry I was not able to write on this yesterday. We were at the hospital most of the day and when I did get home I was just tired.

Mom did very well in the surgery. The surgeon said there were no surprises. We won't know the results from pathology for 5-7 days. We are trusting our Great Physician. She has quite an incision. It goes from behind her ear to the front of her neck. Was not expecting that. But she is doing well. Even wanted to go home last night but they are expecting her to stay in the hospital until Wednesday.

Thank you all for your prayers and support. It means a lot to her and her family.

April 22,2012

       Well, folks, this is it. The night before the big surgery. 
     That means a shower before bed tonight and another one tomorrow morning at 4:00 am, nothing to eat after midnight, which is not a  problem because I hope to be sound asleep before then. My little bag is packed with essentials like my Reformation Bible, Chronological Bible, my Kindle and a pink gown and robe.  I also have to take my pillow and my sound machine. I don’t think I can sleep without the steady white noise. It will be interesting to see if they let me run it.
     It has been a beautiful day. Wonderful service this morning with many visitors from places like Jamaica, Idaho, several other states and surrounding areas. We usually have people from around the world.
     Bible study was good, tonight, as always. I can’t imagine any group having a better time at Bible study than our group. We have the best group of folks anywhere!
   At this point I am a little more apprehensive about the surgery tomorrow just because I have been through it so recently (6 months ago.) It is going to be more aggressive than the other one, but God is still in control!
     Once again, I have verses from one of King David’s Psalms.

Psalm 28:6-7

Blessed be the LORD!

For he has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy.

The LORD is my strength and my shield;

in him my heart trusts, and I am helped;

my heart exults,

And with my song I give thanks to him.

     The Lord is  certainly my strength and shield through this trial. I trust Him fully and my heart is calm and peaceful. I do have songs in my heart that give Him thanks for who He is and what He means to me.

     David and Paul are two of my favorite writers. They can speak to me through the Holy Spirit and it seems to be what I need at the time.
     I am going to get my shower now and try to go to bed early. I don’t know if I will go to sleep because I am not used to going to bed this early.
     Pray for the doctors, nurses, technicians and me some time tomorrow, please. It will mean a lot to me. Thanks.

Love and God’s blessings to you,

Mary Margaret

The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!

RISING SUN

  "Because of the tender mercy of our God,

by which the rising sun will come to us

from heaven to shine on those living in darkness. . .

to guide our feet into the path of peace."

Luke 1:78-79

FROM THE FATHER'S HEART
My child, have you seen the beauty of My mornings? Have you witnessed the birth of a new day? Glorious, isn't it? I made it for you. But that's not all. I am like that sun, rising in your heart daily to awaken your spirit and bring beauty to your life. My light will brighten every corner of your heart. I love to shine My love down on you!

A GRATEFUL RESPONSE

When the darkness creeps in, and the light seeps out, there You are again, Lord. You stand in the shadows, reaching out to comfort and renew my discouraged heart. You are the light in my dark world. You are the rising sun streaming through my window. From the rising of the sun to its descent at the end of the day, I'll praise You, God.

I love this little devotional because it speaks to my heart. I have learned that “when the darkness creeps in, and the light seeps out,” God is there just waiting for me to reach out to Him and he does comfort and renew my heart. He has certainly been a comfort to me in the last few weeks. The more darkness that creeps in the more light He brings to me. Sometimes I feel carried by that light, that is when I know that so many are praying for me. He certainly hears all those prayers and He brings them with Him in the light. Thank you for your encouraging emails and thought and prayers. Please know I appreciate them all.

God bless you as you walk in the Light.
Mary Margaret
The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!

April 20, 2012

April 20, 2012

     Well, I said I would bring you up to date since my last blog post last year. That was in early November. I’ll start with Thanksgiving. It was a wonderful time with the whole family except for Joel (Donna’s oldest son) and Carissia, his wife. We had a time of thankfulness and, of course, my time with cancer and the cure was the thing we were most thankful for. What God did through that time changed us all in some way.

     We have birthdays on the 1st and 4th of December, Billy’s and Dorean’s. It is always nice to see one of our family get another year older because they are still with us.

     Christmas was a beautiful time because Joel and Carissa were able to be here from Dallas. Carissa is pregnant and due in July. It is a boy, his name is Landry James Howard. That will give us another great grandbaby. Dorean’s oldest, Amanda is also expecting in July, another boy for us, his name will be Colton Timothy Traywick. We are excited about adding two little great grand babies to our great grand daughter, McKenzie, she is 5.

     This year has been busy and passing so quickly. Billy is still at the Holy Land Experience. Our granddaughter, Alyssa, also works there. All the family is doing very well. Dorean teaches  a Bible study on Saturday morning and we are learning about the wonderful attributes of God. It is truly amazing!

     Our church fellowship is doing wonderfully. We have the sweetest and most devoted  people I have ever been around. We are so thankful for it and them.

     It is so comforting to know that people all over the world are praying for me and this new battle with cancer. I really feel carried by those prayers. Please keep remembering me. The main request I have is that God will be glorified and that I will learn what He wants me to accomplish for Him. He has given me this journey twice. I keep thinking that I didn’t learn what I was suppose to the first time and I really want to get it this time.

     I found a passage in 1 Chronicles 29:10-13, that has been a blessing to me. I read it often because it is praising God and giving so many of His attributes that we can trust in. Here is what King David said before an assembly of the Israelites after they had made their offerings to build the Temple.

“Blessed are you, O LORD, the God of Israel our father, forever and ever.

Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, for all that is in the heavens and in the earth is yours. Yours is the kingdom, O LORD, and you are exalted as head above all. Both riches and honor come from you, and you rule over all. In your hand are power and might, and in your hand it is to make great and to give strength to all.

And now we thank you, our God, and praise your glorious name.”

     Can you believe that a God like that would choose any of us to bring Him glory? It is    amazing to me every time I think of it.

     Good night and thanks for reading my thoughts.

Mary Margaret

The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!

April 19,2012

Hello again dear friends,

     Today has been a beautiful on again, off again day. A little sunshine and a little rain, a little sunshine and then a little rain again.

     Dorean and I went to Dr. Shellenberger’s office this morning for my 10:30 appointment and, of course, didn’t get to see him till almost 11:30. The CAT Scan report did not show any more MCC in the other lymph glands near the present one, so that is a good thing. He will remove the gland that the MCC is in and some of the others around it and see if there is any cancer in them. If not, that will be a good thing. He will decide after the surgery if I should have radiation or not, that could be not such a good thing. This surgery is more complicated than the other I had. There are nerves and vessels and other things that are not in the cheek so there is a risk of damage to a nerve. I have confidence in Dr. S. and even more confidence in the Greater Physician that will be guiding Dr. S’s hands. He named a few of the nerves that could possibly be damaged and the effect it would have. I could not be able to lift my left shoulder, my bottom lip could drop or I would not be able to stick out my tongue. I told him I had to be able to stick out my tongue. How can I open my mouth and say "ahhhhhhh" when  someone wants to see down my throat? I am really not looking for any of that to happen, but if it does, praise the Lord! This surgery will take longer and I will probably stay in the hospital for 2 days. I hope not, the hospital is no place for sick people.
     When we left Dr. S’s office we went to pre-check-in which took almost 3 hours.        Fortunately, we had our Kindles with us which makes the time pass faster. I had an EKG and blood work and filled out a stack of papers. By this time it was after 2:00 and we were starving. After going to Cracker Barrel we came home.
     I want to bring everyone up to date on what has been going on since the end of my last blog post in November, but will save that for another day, perhaps tomorrow.
     Today I want to share some things with you. First is from a card from my dear friend Ann Towers. I mentioned her yesterday, she always sends the most appropriate things in her emails and card. I received a card from her today that had this in it:

WHAT CANCER CANNOT DO

Cancer is so limited . . . .

It cannot cripple LOVE.

It cannot shatter HOPE.

It cannot corrode FAITH.

It cannot kill FRIENDSHIP.

It cannot suppress MEMORIES.

It cannot steal ETERNAL LIFE.

It cannot conquer the SPIRIT.

     I will end with this praise to my Savior and Lord from  King David in Psalm 9:1-2,  9-10:

“I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.

I will be glad and exult in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.
The LORD is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.
And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you.”

God bless you and good night,

Mary Margaret
The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!

Hello again, dear Friends,
    I’m back, because the Merkel Cell Carcinoma is back. This time it is on the left side of my neck under my ear. I felt something there over a month ago and it didn’t even occur to me that it could be MCC. Dr. Shellenberger was confident that he had gotten all of it in the surgery in October. I couldn’t tell if it was growing so I didn’t really think about it. I had a six month check up scheduled with Dr. Shellenberger in the latter part of May and thought it could wait till then. Early in April I received a letter from M. D. Andersen Cancer Center that Dr. S. was leaving on May 4th to begin a new work. I immediately called and had my appointment moved up to the 1st of May. That week I noticed that it was bigger than before so I called and had my appointment moved up to the 12th. I had to have a biopsy before seeing him and that was scheduled for the 9th. I saw Dr. S. on the 12th and knew the minute he stepped into the office that the MCC had returned. Dorean was there and also noticed how sad he was to report the news to me. He gave me a great big hug and the whole time he was talking to me he rubbed my arm.  He said he would work me in for surgery before he left and I was very thankful for that. I was scheduled for an ultrasound on the 17th and the pre op appointment on the 19th. Surgery is scheduled for the 23rd.
     I ask only for your prayers. I still have the same God I had the last time I went through this. He is still on His throne and still loves me as He always has. My faith and trust is in Him and my prayer again is for His will to be accomplished in me.
     When I woke up on the morning of the 12th a little song popped into my head. I think I  hadn’t sung or heard that song for 30 years. I was singing it to myself as I was getting ready for my appointment with Dr. S. Perhaps you are familiar with it too.
                                      

 He’s still working on me,

To make me what I ought to be.

It only took a week to make the Moon and Stars,

The Earth and the Sun and Jupiter and Mars.

How loving and patient He must be,

'Cause He’s still working on me.

There really ought to be a sign upon the heart,

Don’t judge me yet, there’s as unfinished part.

But I’ll be perfect just according to His plan

Fashioned by the Master’s loving hands.

In the mirror of His Word reflections that I see

Make me wonder why He never gave up on me.

He loves me as I am and helps me when I pray

Remember He’s the Potter, I’m the clay.

     It is just a cute little children’s song but it has such a powerful message and it has been a   comfort to me through these days. I never would have thought as I sang that when I was a child that it would someday define me at this age. This new development is the Potter working on me, just a clay vessel. I was refined through my last time with cancer, but apparently I need more refining and I am prepared for it. I still have the whole armor I spoke about in my blog (refer to blogs of 10/12/11 or 10/23/11) and I still have the same wonderful God.

     I will close today with a few words from King David that spoke so beautifully to me.

Psalm71:14-21

“...I will hope continually, and will yet praise thee more and more.

My mouth shall shew forth thy righteousness and thy salvation all the day; for        I know not the numbers thereof.

I will go in the strength of the Lord God: I will make mention of thy righteousness, even of thine only.

O God, thou hast taught me from my youth: and hitherto have I declared thy wondrous works.

Now also when I am old and grey headed, O God, forsake me not; until I have shewed thy strength unto this generation, and thy power to every one that is to come.”

Psalm 9:1-2

“I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.

I will be glad and exult in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

      I know some said they had trouble contacting me through the blog, but I really want to hear from you so contact me through email angel8mmj@gmail.com ( that is an l not a “one” in angel)

Love to you all and God’s blessings,

 Mary Margaret (Tootsie to you old folks who remember me when . . .)

The big "C" in me is Christ enabling me to deal with the little "c" which is the cancer!.

This is how a dear friend of mine, Ann Towers, ended her emails since she began battling   cancer almost a year ago. I know she won’t mind me using it.